I am not Cut out to Homeschool!

"You're Supermom!"

"I don't know how you do it!"

"There's no way I could do what you do!"

"God sure has gifted you in a way that I am not!"

These are just few of the comments I often hear from other moms when they realize that I am a homeschooling mother with four small children. Most of the time they laugh hysterically before they say a word. And then I often get the "better you than me" look because for some reason a lot of other moms think they need more alone time than me, don't feel qualified to educate their children, don't have the patience or organization skills to homeschool, and the list goes on for the "normal" mom vs. the super-godly-ever-patient-gentle-spirited-put-together-highly-organized-parent-of-the-year-homeschool-momma...

NEWS FLASH! I am normal! Just like every other momma. And guess what, I am not supermom, I don't do any of this on my own, and it's only by the GRACE OF GOD that I make it through each crazy day that is my life!!

There are several reasons why I am not cut out to homeschool. I'll just list a few...

I am not organized. Oh, I want to be. I buy little whose-its and whats-its to help me stay organized and most of the time they end up holding a bunch of junk that I'm not sure what to do with. I have piles and piles and papers stacked all throughout my house and at least 3 "junk drawers" that I am not really sure what's in there but I don't have time to go through them.

I am easily flustered. Flustered may be putting it lightly. Anger is a vice that I deal with on a regular basis. I don't have the "patience of a saint" but rather I have the impatience of a sinner! I should have James 1:19-20 tattooed on my children's foreheads so that I can be reminded of it every time I am not slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to wrath!! I yell more than I should and gentleness is something that I really struggle with. I desperately want to be more gentle.

I am far too worried about what YOU think. I have this constant self-imposed pressure to look and sound like I'm doing a good job. I have this irrational fear that all the other mommas in the world are looking at my life and judging me, my kids, my husband, my house. The enemy has a field day in my head when I see other mommas' blogs about all the wonderful and crafty things they do with their homeschooling!

I have very high expectations. Some expectations are good! You don't want to have no drive. You don't want to teach your kids to not have goals. But my expectations are too high. Getting frustrated with my 6 year old because she's still sounding out some words or with my 4 year old because he still can't write his name on his own or my 18 month old twins because they don't come to me when I call them... that's a little ridiculous! Right!?

I don't have enough time. Did I mention I have 18 month old twins that are ON THE MOVE, a very active and challenging 4 year old, and a 6 year old who is too smart for her britches and gets bored very easily? Yeah. Oh, and I'm also "the pastor's wife." I teach Sunday School, lead the kids' signing group, teach Wednesday night kids, sing in the choir, and help teach Jr. church on a rotation. Then there's the perpetual 3ft deep laundry pile that takes up 1/4 of my living room that needs to be folded, the dishes to be done 3x a day, the toys that are constantly scattered about, grocery shopping, cooking meals, field trips, walking the dogs, etc. etc. and you can forget date nights! So where exactly do I find the time to do school??



These crazy kids... I can't imagine my life without them!

So you see, I am not really cut out to homeschool. I'm not being negative or cynical. No. I am being honest and confessing that I CAN'T DO THIS. Nobody can! It's only by GRACE.

God has given my husband and I this deep calling to take the responsibility of educating our children. He has started this good work in us and HE WILL BE FAITHFUL TO COMPLETE IT. He gives me the strength to get through the days that I want to give up because I feel completely and utterly inadequate. He is the One who has renewed me after confessing to my husband "I can't do this! I am not cut out to homeschool!" He is the One who shows me how to be organized in the midst of chaos. He is the One who shows me how to find time to sit-down and do school work even if the littlest ones are screaming and running around in just their diapers. He shows me the beauty in my son reading his first word and gives me joy in my daughter's "light-bulb" moments when she's learning something new. I find homeschooling impossible. But with God, all things are possible.

And it is because of Him that I get this amazing privilege to homeschool my babies. They are wonderful, funny, smart, tenderhearted, incredible little people, who bless my heart tremendously and drive me nuts as well! The beautiful chaos that is my life is such a wonderful adventure. And I am so thankful that God has chosen to use me in spite of my many flaws. He gives me courage day in and day out to press on in this never-ending mission to be a good momma. And no matter how often I fall, Jesus is there to lift me up, dust me off, and sit me back down at the table for another day of homeschooling.

Bye for now,
Kristina